Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
