yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
