There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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