oh god the rape fog is back!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
