He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
