Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize