when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
worst night to have a conscience
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
