If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize