I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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