I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
