My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
