She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dicks are not precious.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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