the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
