the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
