new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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