I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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