I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize