...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
