I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
