Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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