New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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