i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just pee around me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
