I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
