True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
