dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
