she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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