mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
