I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
