I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
