We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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