What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
