So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
