I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
time to smoke my breakfast
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
