im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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