Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
