the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
