So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
