the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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