don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
