He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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