i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
