Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
