I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The uberlube is also flammable
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
