Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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