Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
