i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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