Farmville is her only friend.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
