WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
