I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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