You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
