I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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