Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize