If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
