don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
