I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
