I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
