am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
