Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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