I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
