I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
