Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
