Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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