Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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