I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
