I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
