How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
