The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
