Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
