I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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