i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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