i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
