I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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