Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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