I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
