i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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