I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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