I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
