I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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