stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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