Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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