dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
